The KOTD 2v2 Grand Prix: A Look Back

Within the field of battle rap, the tournament format has proven to be one of the most unpredictable, respite with upsets and calls of robbery by the fans. This year witnessed the second annual King of the Dot Grand Prix, sequel to the inaugural event that crowned Arcane as Grand Prix champion. Before the tournament officially began there were qualifiers that showed shades of things to come. Highlights included Lokust whipping out a fork and Tricky P whipping out a harmonica in highly unorthodox displays of rap showmanship. I'll admit that at every step of the way, my expectations were subverted, and by the tournament's shocking conclusion, even those who disagreed with the decision can't deny that it was an exciting ride.

The initial round of the tournament sparked controversy for a myriad of reasons. There was a heated verbal confrontation between Manik and Illmaculate following the latter's victory in the Vancouver leg of the tourney, which nearly culminated in a physical exchange. The incident itself generated conversation about a match-up that in all honesty was an easy win for West Coast veterans Illmaculate and Thesaurus. To the east a veritable uproar arose when Calgary division partner and soon to be King of the Dot champion Sketch Menace and his partner Nebula beat opponents Chedda Cheese and Ubiquitous in a decision that would be heavily disputed on the internet. That battle has been widely accepted as one of the most definite robberies in the history of the written battle rap format, and I don't disagree with that assertion. Yet more controversy was generated in the Montreal division clash between locals Chuggo and Scynikal and American fan favourites Real Deal and Fresco. The match sparked conversations about a crowd that clearly favoured the local team and ate up their exclusively homophobic punchlines and a judging system that nearly rewarded it. While battle rap is no stranger to homophobic jokes, an entire battle's worth of said jokes received disdain from the internet battle community. Fresco and Real Deal ultimately won the battle, but its 3-2 decision proved to foreshadow their later loss to a similar performance by HFK and Charron.

In the Toronto division, the nexus of the King of the Dot movement, the battles played out largely as expected. Despite conspicuous stumbles, Tricky P and FeelGood beat the rather uninspired performance of Lokust and Postal, Knamelis and a significantly rounder Jack Shitt edged a surprisingly on point Young Stitch and Syco, PoRich and Diaz beat an equally prepared JWalker and Q, comedic pairing HFK and Charron breezed by underdogs Stepeasy and Bartone, and, rounding out the pack, Hamilton duo Arcane and Dose edged the last minute pairing of Alberta's Daley and Toronto local Kaliente. All the results were met with minor complaints of the judges voting based on name recognition rather than performance, though these complaints were directed particularly at Arcane and Dose who have achieved villain status in the battle rap world for various dubious decisions and lingering accusations of anti-semitism. The crowd's palpable bias towards them was exemplified when Matt Daley's first line received more reaction than his opponents' entire first round.

The next round saw continued upsets as PoRich and Diaz beat favourites Jack Shitt and Knamelis in a match that descended into chaos thanks to the juvenile behaviour of both teams during the third round. HFK and Charron beat Real Deal and Fresco in a controversial decision that internet fans argued was due to judges preferring their gay jokes to the Americans' more cerebral content. I personally thought that both teams have had better moments and have consequently abstained from passing judgement. Thesaurus and Illmaculate cemented their status as favourites by achieving victory against Sketch Menace and Nebula, though by a less comfortable margin than most expected. Finally, Tricky P and FeelGood redeemed themselves by beating Arcane and Dose in a decisive fashion, though not without a few lyrical stumbles by FeelGood.

Things came down to the wire in the third round of the tournament with both battles taking place in Toronto at the Doomsday event. Both matches were tight and could be argued for either team. Thesaurus and Illmaculate squeaked by a clearly motivated Tricky P and FeelGood, who utilized their natural crowd control. FeelGood had refined his performance and stumbled only once during a particularly intricate double time exchange between himself and his partner. HFK and Charron, now seen as a dark horse to win the competition lost in a heated bout with PoRich and Diaz. Despite the intense nature of the match, many of the angles used by both teams had been used significantly before (alcoholic jokes for PoRich, age jokes for Charron, and jokes about HFK and Diaz' respective races).

Finally, the tournament culminated in a final between legendary duo Thesaurus and Illmaculate, holders of pretty much every significant accolade in the battling world and definite underdogs PoRich and Diaz. Almost nobody anticipated a win by the latter. So it was definite shock when after a battle that featured the West Coast vets stumbling prominently and the local team using mediocre set-ups and punchlines (despite one hard-hitting line about the recent passing of Thesaurus' father that led to a later altercation during Thesaurus and Illmaculate's round and a perfectly executed "flip" of that reaction by Diaz), PoRich and Diaz were awarded the five thousand dollar grand prize and title of Grand Prix champions. It was a heavily disputed decision, but one that now stands unchallenged in battle rap history. It's been a long road, but what a road it's been.

Family Tree

The branches of my family tree are twisted and worn, winding themselves into ornate tangles of whispered lore and forgotten truths. Even as the meandering paths of oak boughs intersect in a vivid tapestry, I look at the tree and marvel at the elegance of its deceptive simplicity. Near its base, strands of America protrude proudly, presenting their plumage to purple mountain majesties in the distance. Despite their stubborn haughtiness, these branches are looked upon with scornful pity by those above them, and even in their obstinate arrogance, some find themselves shifting ever so gently to find the arboreal embrace of Canada, just slightly higher. Further up the sprawling trunk, twin children of the Gael engage in a constant skirmish, their tips nipping at each other good-naturedly. The emerald luster of Ireland stands in direct competition with the auburn sheen of Scotland, even as the little twigs at their edge, Frugality and Alcoholism do battle as they sway in the breeze. Above them a chill lurks in the air, one which coats the oaken digits in a veneer of frost. Here the austere might of Germany is clamped upon the resolute boughs of Denmark, steeled by the constance of their resistance. The former looks down upon the tree, swearing vengeance upon the strands who abandoned it to military failure and economic ignominy, while the latter vows to combat its occupant's despotism, a golden star clasped in its wooden grip. And above it all, all the branches snared in each others' desperate, amicable, angry, proud, gentle, violent and tender embraces, an eagle is perched. Depending on who you ask, the eagle isn't really there, is only a figment of wishful thinking and ancient gossip, but if you squint, you can make out its distinctive feathers as they are ruffled by the breeze. It neither shivers nor recoils from the wind, merely stands in its path as it watches over the wolf cub at the tree's base. Some say you can even see it smile.